My Father's Inspiring Life

My father left us on January 4 this year. He died at 89 years-old in a hospital, all alone because he was isolated due to Covid-19 and other health issues.

Although me and my siblings were sad, I was happy that he didn't need to live in an unhealthy, sick and weak body. Over the past few years, his cognition was going but he would every now and then ask us, "Is everything ok?" He was always thinking about other people.

I miss my Dad and all he represented; he was brusque and caring at the same time; hard working and fun loving as well; thrifty but generous at times. He was above all else, an entrepreneur.

He was a businessman in a time when it was difficult for a Chinese born man to start up a store.

Where we lived in New Westminster, BC, it was a city that had its fair share of citizens that did not hold kindly to a young Chinese family. My father married my mother, who was pretty and hardworking as well. Sometimes we faced a barrage of racism both inside and outside the store.

My father always saw the positivity in things and when I experienced a rude customer, he told me, "Don't worry about it. Just take his money."

When my father opened his first corner store, it was life-changing for everyone. As we grew up, we all had to pitch in and help out. The store opened seven days a week and it got busy.

My father recognized that the law at the time did not permit large supermarkets to open on Sundays, and he took advantage of this. People would come to the store on Sundays to pick up milk and bread.

Things got busy and eventually my father opened multiple stores and other businesses. He found a niche for selling potted and cut flowers and his business grew each year.

My father never let his lack of education stop him from providing for his family. And he also thought about his extended family members.

He told me that he was too poor to have an education in China and never made it past a few early grades. He taught himself English by reading the newspaper, watching television and talking to people.

He even taught himself how to play the stock market. Later, he said it was a bad idea and playing the stock market is like gambling.

He helped a few relatives settle in Canada, and always sent money back home on holidays to other older relatives.

He told us that if you do good to others, you could have a long life.

Always Learning

As he got older, he told my mother once that he hated getting old. She was always quick with a comeback and would say, "You are always thinking about yourself! You are not going backwards!" I never heard him complain after that.

When he was in his mid-sixties, my father decided to learn ballroom dancing. Over the years, he could do many moves, such as the tango, the cha cha and even the macarena! Although I took a modern dance class in my twenties, I had trouble remembering all the latest dance movies, but my father took to dance like a fish to water.

He embarrassed me a few times by taking his dance knowledge to the store. He put on a ghetto blaster on the counter, and proceeded in showing off his dance steps to a few admiring and shocked regular customers.

Brusque and Kind

My father was larger than life. He had no trouble meeting new people and engaged in conversations with everyone, from the neighborhood kid, to local civic politicians.

Sometimes, he would start by asking the person in broken English, "Make lots of money?"

He also had this big, thunderous laugh. He loved to joke around and be with people.

My father came off as tough sometimes and I was careful not to get in his wrath by being too rambunctious or naughty as a young girl.

He allowed me and my siblings to have many pets. Over the years, we had cats, dogs and rabbits.

He often said he hated cats but found them useful for chasing away mice and other critters. One day he surprised all of us by bringing home a large, grey tabby cat. This stray had followed him around the flower auction where he went to pick up flowers in the morning.

We named the cat, "Gumby" and for many years, he lived a good life.

Retirement Years

When my father eventually retired from operating the store, he found other ways of making money, such as renting out business spaces, and other things.

He also traveled, continue to go to ballroom dancing and ate out with friends and family members.

Although I lived in separate houses, I made it a regular habit to have dinner with my father on the weekend for many years, not just on special occasions.

He felt that travelling to local places was not a holiday but a waste of money. He felt that visiting international countries like China, Thailand, Korea and Japan were the most worthwhile travel destinations because you could learn about other cultures.

Giving Advice

My father expressed impatience with my life and wanted me to get married. One day I asked him what he thought about a Chinese hair dresser that I was dating and an Angl0-Indian teacher that I was interested in. I told him that I felt the hairdresser was cheap to me; the teacher, on the other hand, always took me out for dinner. My father advised me to choose the teacher.

In 2013, I and my now teacher-husband travelled with my father to China where I visited the village where my father and my other ancestors were born. My father didn't care about ethnicity --but it was the heart that counted.

Ailing

During the last several years of his life, my father's various health problems were taking its toll. He had less energy, experienced pain, walked very slowly and also exhibited cognitive decline.

He hated experiencing his own health issues, reliance on medicine, and being unable to walk properly. He said that if he had a gun, he would shoot himself.

A few years before he passed, he wanted to go to Hawaii --one of his favorite holiday destinations. He never stopped dreaming of travelling, even in his late eighties.

Life In A Carehome

One day, he could no longer walk, and as a family, we all agreed we had to place him in a carehome. It was a difficult decision. He spent at least one year in a carehome before he passed away.

During his time there, I never heard him laugh loudly, or saw him smile. I feel that this was not a happy period for him. We visited as much as we could --often having several family members see him almost daily and even several times a day.

Every time I visited my father in the carehome, I noted with sadness that many of the regular residents never received any visitiors. I hoped I was wrong.

Summary

It has been six months since my father passed away. For anyone grieving the loss of a loved one, it is true that time does heal. In the beginning, it was very difficult for my family members.

My father never talked about death or dying. To him, it was natural and a part of life.

He said, "You have to die sometime!" No one told him about religion, or about God and Jesus. Over the past 15 years, I took the path of religion and volunteered in a church that ministered to the sick.

During one of his poor health days, I laid hands on him at a park and asked Jesus to heal him. After a few moments, my father felt a little bit better. I told him it was all thanks to Jesus.

My father surprised me by asking me what happened and was this magic?

I read somewhere in the Bible that when Jesus was ministering, many people thought the savior was a magician!

My father didn't understand the world facing Covid-19 in the last few months. If it did, he would be rightly upset, and stressed over the business havoc and the loss of lives.

He would likely have been upset about the war between Ukraine and Russia and declare the Russian leader "crazy and stupid." He didn't have any patience for despots.

Perhaps it was a blessing he was ignorant of the world's current woes. I know he would have tried to help somehow.

I learned from my sister this year that for some time, my father would send money to charity organizations, like World Vision.

That was my father. Hardworking, secretive, creative and always caring.

I miss you father. I hope that you are bringing joy to deceased loved ones in the big house upstairs and making them laugh.