Like Flowers - Children Should Grow At Their Own Pace

Three Children In - And All So Vastly Different.

My daughters were much faster at everything than my son. Both of them threw away their binkies at 3 to 4 months. By the time they were a year old they were sleeping through the night and only out of sippy cups. They both started crawling at 6 months, and before they were a year old, they were running around the little playground.

My son... well his doctor wanted him to go into physical therapy because he had turned one already and was refusing to walk. I of course, did not listen, because I knew it wasn't an inability to do it, he just wasn't ready. He was crawling, perfectly healthy. He was standing, and he would dance in place by bending his knees and straightening them like little squats whenever the music was on. And though he refused to do it in front of the doctor he would hold on to furniture and walk around the house. He was just having baby confidence issues.

He's still not sleeping through the night, and he turns two years old in five days. And while he threw his binkie out at 6 months old, he had a very strong attachment to his bottle - and at 4:30 am he still demands it until he wakes everyone else in the house. We have only recently started giving him liquid melatonin for infants and babies, and he will finally sleep pretty heavily through the night, rather than waking up 4 or 5 times.

The doctor doesn't have an answer as to why he still isn't sleeping through the night, by the way... for those of you wondering if I've asked his doctor. I have.

But unlike my daughters, he's not even two and he's ready for potty training. He is successfully learning about the potty, but his oldest sister was 4 when she finally stopped having to wear pull-ups at night, and Marlee was almost 3 when she potty-trained herself.

So, he's at least got a one-up on his sisters for that.

My oldest son (my partners son) is turning 10 in about 8 days. I haven’t got to be in his life for very long yet, so him coming in at the age of 8 gave me child culture shock. Unlike my 6, 4, and 2 year old, he’s so independent. But he’s also got the child innocence mixed with pre-pre-teen attitude. But he’s so sweet and helpful. My body chemistry wasn’t prepared to be a mom to an older kid yet- so I sometimes have to remind myself that he is older, and is very much in the process of developing into a young man- while still tending to what “child like” needs for attention and affection when appropriate. It’s a lot harder than just getting loads of baby snuggles whenever I want.

Keeping Track Of Healthy Children

I don't know about other countries, but America has an interesting way on keeping tabs on children as they grow. They have developed this standards and milestones system, and at their check-ups (monthly until they are 6 months, then every couple of months until a year old, then annually around their birthday) their doctors question where they are at in their development.

And I think, this is good... in most ways. It's important to have the standard average that children develop certain skills. One of the best ways to fight a problem that could have permanent damage if not addressed is catching the problem very early, and addressing it. It creates a clear picture of what a healthy, happy, well-taken care of child looks like medically and developmentally.

This is a good thing. There are doctors out there who have saved kids' lives from parents and caregivers who had no business handling children.

But I didn't enjoy how the doctor basically made me feel inadequate when she looked at me and frowned and said: "Your son should be walking, and running and being able to walk backwards by now. He's going to be one next week, and there's an issue here. He may need physical therapy so that someone can help teach him."

I looked at her, nonplussed at her very HR worded accusation that I wasn't teaching my son how to walk, and said: "He's just not ready. He stands, he dances in place, and he holds on to furniture and walks like that. He knows what he needs to do, he's just not confidant about it. He walks just fine when he holds our hand and we walk around the house with him. He's just scared to do it on his own right now."

"Oh, well trained physical therapists who know how to handle children can help him develop that confidence."

Excuse me madam... did you just basically say I don't know how to handle my children? Needless to say... my children have a NEW doctor. I should be given some kind of kudos from keeping my anger in check.

You don't know how much self-control it took for me to just smile and say: "Oh. Okay. Well go ahead and put in the referral then." What I wanted to do was permanently reshape her nose with my fist.

When the physical therapy people called, I explained to them the situation, and the staff on the phone said: "Oh... wait he's walking holding onto the furniture and standing up and dancing? That sounds like a confidence issue, not a medical issue!"

I have never in my life felt SO validated as a human.

One day, bout a month after his doctor basically demanded he go to physical therapy and called me an inadequate mother in so many words, he stood up one day and started taking shaky, uncertain, stumbling steps. He had decided he was ready.

But I will always say, as long as there is not something obviously very wrong.. children should grow at their own rate.

Time is precious, thank you so much for taking some to read my article. I hope you enjoyed it and it proved useful in some way!

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