HOW I CAN PLAY CRICKET

 What i can eat without my belly protruding too much.

"Chalk jalap seethe band kappa was thrown out of the window and kappa jump kroon woo Kay Hay (I'll take a scooter). To stop him i threw it outside.

• He’s gone.

• He’s not coming back."

In summary, it's not the wittiest film that would be Definitely Not Perfect.

The only English dialogue, by anachronistically funny 1970s PC game announcer, comes from the mouth of Prince Rainier.

It's pretty much accurate, but also quite uninspired.

It's also a love letter to Jules Dassin, whom I used to quite like.

Perhaps the most poignant bit of the film comes when Humphrey Bogart, as the 'colorless' Captain Coburn, says that at long last he's found a man who, apart from speaking English and being a fellow American, doesn't contradict him.

But all those qualities, the moxie and the savoir - faire and the sheer clarity of American style, is also what makes American cinema 'different'.

In my favorite film of all time - Shadow of a Doubt - the sound is ambient.

The music matches the cinematography, the sound is in the background, there's barely a voice.

It's what makes the dialogue sound so cold, so deadpan.

In Shadow of a Doubt, everyone speaks with an Irish brogue, in a way that actually enhances the feeling that they're all idiots and no one knows what they're talking about.

It's their accent.

Not every American movie is like that, and very few films could pull off the American - ness - of - the - film - at - large.

For example, Cat Ballot, where a cop walks into a bar and starts swearing at everyone, and the regulars all start swearing back, which doesn't make sense if they're actually from the US.

 Or a film like Dances with Wolves.

I suppose the best one is American Beauty, where it's sometimes almost as if they're making fun of the American Dream.

Gene Davis is probably the most convincingly American character in that film, when she turns around to say 'all I want to be is rich and famous, isn't that the dream?'

A. But is the film still American if the dialogue isn't American?

The American Dream is one of my favorite films of all time, because of the fact that I never really believed it could happen.

America was a land of greased coke - dealers, men whose teeth are stained with alcohol and who roar at the sky in their cars.

But people never ran around screaming 'fuck me, oh fuck me, fuck fuck fuck, I'm an American soldier', or whatever people like Matthew McCaughey do in that film.

When the US was made, I thought it was probably the most incredible place on earth, for one reason.

I'm glad I don't live there anymore.

I'm glad to be part of Europe now.

And I'm glad I have all these amazing people to talk to, about things other than Obama, health care or the economy, which are probably the most important things in the world right now.

Sometimes I do this thing where I'll make a list of things I've realized about myself recently, usually since I've started reading my favorite websites again, and every now and again I'll come across something about my nature that surprises me.

It's like when you spot a badge you thought you'd lost or left behind: Suddenly you realize that you like something a bit more than you thought you did, that it was there all along.

I've realized a lot about what I want.

When I was younger, I liked it when people shouted at me.

As I got older, I got more and more tired of it.

And I don't really mind shouting at other people - but I do mind shouting at myself.

My life, both good and bad, has been defined by my success and failure in the workplace.

I like having lots of money and power, but I don't really care about what it takes to get it.

My goal is to be successful in the work that I've chosen, and I guess my ideal career would have been a dictator or a hetman.

I'm not a violent person, and in any case I wouldn't have had to be.

B. The dictators always killed themselves, didn't they?

 And as for the hit men, they're dead.

 No.

 I'm not a violent person.

 I'm not violent at all.

 In fact, I don't think I'm a violent person.

What I like is when a situation gets out of hand, and someone does something stupid, but it doesn't end in violence.

When someone goes to someone else and says' it's not me, it's him ', and that person then replies' it's not him, it's me, and I can't prove it ', then there is an argument, where both parties say horrible things to each other, but they don't mean them, and they never did.

Suddenly, it's a debate, and both of them don't seem so bad.

There's no need to be violent.

C. Why can't I be like that in life?

1. Why is it so easy to become so angry, and so scared, and then to take that out on someone else?

2. Why can't I be the sort of person who doesn't get jealous?

3. Or not to worry about what other people are saying about me?

4. But those are the things that I've realized, and that I've been trying to stop doing.