Heartfelt Short Stories about my Mom.

I tried imagining you in front of me, how small you were compared to my height. I felt sad that you're no longer here. But, I remember yet again that I'm precious in your eyes. So, I cheered up, I acknowledged someone loved me dearly. Missing you is clearly an understatement. (4/7/24)

I wasn't expecting you to come in the office. I was seated in a place where a monitor is covering the entrance. But, I only saw a mask and the lower half of a face and somehow I thought the silhouette was familiar. My brain played on automatic and took a peek at this person. It was not you, of course. I was so used to feeling happy when I'm about to see you, that my mind was happy thinking it might be you coming inside. I played my actions like a child again, after almost 7 months because you're the only one to trigger that response. (5/13/24)

I imagined you again. I'm waiting for Dad in the car, he said he has stuff he would like to check outside. He left me and went inside the mall. I wondered how long it would take for him to come back. I often wait a long time. So, naturally my mind went to, "How long will it take if mom was the one who left for the mall?" You always value the time spent on activities. You only discard that value when you bond with us both (I and Dad). But, I know you're typically fast on errans. So, I imagined you -- coming near the car door and peeking in the window from outside. I could remember every detail of how you looked, how you would dress, the wrinkles on your face, the gray in your hair, the squinted eyes, and the left hand held up your forehead to get a clear sight despite the brightness and heat from the sun. And yeah, you are beautiful then, and even in my imagination, I'd also feel giddy that you were back. (5/18/24)

This grieving will be a continous struggling process, let it be known that it isn’t just me that is at pain. I have to be strong for the others who lost a loved one too. My mom is a loved one many people lost. She has been loved by so many people. I wanted to show them by being strong that, “It’s okay, We’ll get through this. I will be with you. I’ll comfort you. I love you.”

It was a selfless love. I knew I wasn’t the only one going through such a painful experience and it might look like I’m at pain the most. I won’t decline that it may be the case, we both (Dad and I) are the most vulnerable in this situation. But, I at least wanted to bring comfort to others.

Life may seem unfortunate and unfair, it appears truly unpleasant if I summed up everything negative that happened. Looking back it really is a thing I wanted to reverse — life. Thinking about a life where I’ll have to grow older without my mom is so difficult. It feels unreal that she is gone and I have to move on.

What has to keep me going is the fact that whether it’s a good or bad future, it isn’t a bad life. Things will start to feel better as long as I looked at the positive side of things. Let’s make people mom loved, happy and proud of us. This may be an effortful process, it would be worth it to think like such as it makes life, meaningful.

I hope that I’ll continue to find myself in a better place. Never stop improving and learning. Go to places, feel grateful and appreciate even the small things life has to offer, search for a better environment where you’ll no longer look at yourself and feel pity. Make yourself proud too, human.

12/4/23