"Comparison between children"

In today's society, one of the remarkable aspects of our parenting is the comparison between children which makes the difference. It can be with your child's friends, the kid next door, or your siblings.

But our parents don't even for a moment think about how much this behavior will affect their children.

Comparisons between children are the story of every family these days. Almost 80% of children face this curse every day. But it becomes very important to understand how damaging these activities can be to a child's mental state.

When a child constantly sees his parents comparing him with others, he can easily think of himself as having no good qualities, as being inferior to his friends, and as being incapable of pleasing his parents. These thoughts can easily interrupt his spirit.

In the end, he falls further behind in his studies and social life rather than moving on. Parents are directly or indirectly responsible for this mental breakdown of their children. But what if parents still understood this?

Some key points that parents must know today -

Why should comparisons between children stop?

How harmful are comparisons between children? What are the disadvantages?

How can you encourage your child to move on without comparing?

Let's get into it...

Why should I stop comparing my children?

- Every parent may think that if a child compares himself/herself to others, he/she will become stubborn and try to imitate others and try to be like them. In trying to do better, parents forget that comparing doesn't always lead to good results. In all of this, the parents don't even know what their child's emotional state is and what he/she wants.

So, the anger and violence born in the child are no longer known to the parents. At the end of the result, it can be seen that in the process of trying to do good, the morale of the children is broken by the parents, because they are also behind in the struggle of life.

- First and foremost, every parent should remember that not all children are the same. Not everyone is mentally the same, and not everyone is gifted in the same way. Every child has his or her own needs, and or dreams.

Scientifically speaking, everyone can't have the same good, bad, or behavioral qualities. Some people may be good at math, some may be good at biology. Some may be good at cricket and some may be good at drawing.

- Parents should accept that every child has different tastes. Children who are good at one subject should be encouraged to pursue that subject; there is no comparison. Children have mental breakdowns because of comparisons. As a result, their aspirations and dreams are shattered.

They begin to think of themselves as weak. Start to turn away from society, family, and friends. Start to turn away from everything. That's why parents should stop comparing their children. Be with your children in all situations.

How harmful is it to compare children? What are the disadvantages?

Comparing children is very harmful to their psychology. It destroys their morale. It puts a distance between parents and children.

Now we will try to understand point by point how harmful comparing between children is and what are its negative effects -

Mental stress -

Constant comparisons can cause mental stress to the child. As a result, the child cannot fully focus on anything and becomes a bit irritable. At the end of the story, the child's personal and academic life is hindered. They fall into depression day by day.

Feeling worthless -

When a child fails to please his parents despite his best efforts, he begins to feel worthless when he is compared to others. Loss of confidence. He can no longer find the strength to try again. He begins to believe that nothing will ever happen to him, that he is an immaterial person, a "good-for-nothing" person. Because that's what his parents thought of him.

Decreased self-esteem -

As a result of the parents' constant negative reaction to themselves, the child begins to think that they can't do anything and that they are incapable of pleasing their parents. They begin to think that they are inferior to others and this hinders their progress in life.

Distancing the parent from the child -

When children see their parents constantly comparing themselves to others, praising their classmates, neighbors, and siblings without feeling the need to see their efforts, children naturally think their parents are neglecting them and are unhappy with them. They don't like them as much as their other siblings.

Even adding a "?" to the parent's generous love for the child mark that they love them. As a result, parents and children gradually pull away from each other.

Creating sibling rivalry -

When a parent neglects one person and praises the other constantly in front of the neglected person, then it is natural to see adverse reactions in the child. He/she begins to see his/her brother or sister as a competitor. They also believe that they are not important to their parents.

A negative image of their parents gradually forms in their minds. As a result, the relationship between siblings also gradually deteriorates.

Withdrawal from social activities -

Parents engage in comparisons sometimes to the point where children are forced to isolate themselves. They are afraid to go anywhere with their parents and family and do not want to go to relatives' houses. They feel anxious and panic about what will happen next.

Fostering a carefree attitude -

A child tries his best to do good things to please his parents. But when parents don't see their efforts and their pain, and they constantly see what other children do, then the child naturally becomes indifferent to his studies, parents, and everything. Remove themselves from everything.

Suddenly, they don't even think their parents want anything. Begin to ignore their parents. They don't care about anything. Because they can't make their parents happy with their efforts. Their parents don't even try to see the effort they put in to make them happy when they need to. So eventually they give up.

Underestimating a child's talent -

Many times, parents can be seen imposing their preferences on their children. Don't even try to find out what your child likes because so-and-so's son is reading it, and you should do the same. By not being able to focus on the subject they want, many children lose their willpower. As a result, children's talents are always underestimated.

As a result of all this, many children fall into depression, and many fall into darkness, never to see the light again. Some people's dreams are shattered and some choose the path of suicide.

Innocent children fall into the abyss due to little careless acts by their parents. In today's world, these are the stories of every day and every family.

How can you encourage your child to move on without making comparisons?

A little moral support and a little positive talk from you are enough to get your child moving forward.

Here are some positive ways that parents can try -

- Instead of comparing, praise your child for every effort they make, even if they do a little worse than on a previous test. Support them mentally. Let them know you are there for them and they will do better on future tests.

These small gestures will build confidence in your child. They will have the courage to move forward.

- Encourage your child to face their weaknesses. Ask your child openly if they need any help. Support them.

- Praise your child for any good deeds. Do it with intention.

- Don't force your decisions or choices on your child. This is one of the biggest mistakes you can make as a parent. The first responsibility of a good parent is to know what their children like and what their dreams are. Then take them on a journey to achieve their dreams.

- Don't give your child any unrealistic expectations. If your child wants to be an artist, do not force him/her to study engineering. He/she may be very talented and smart, but to be successful in any field, the person's level of emotional acceptance and interest in that field is just as important.

- Provide unconditional support and love. If your child does not do well on any test, do not let them feel that they are letting you down or embarrassing you. Always support your child in all situations.

Talk to them like a friend, encourage them to practice more, and always praise them in public for their efforts. Never embarrass your child in front of anyone.

- Remember that you are not your child. You should never force your child to do something they don't want to do.

Let's talk about some important things that don't matter-

As a parent, you should never associate self-esteem with your child's performance in school or sports. This is what most parents do today. "Parental dignity is mixed up when a child gets a little bad grade" is what most parents do.

Looking at them, it seems like the outcome is more important to them than the life of their child. As a result of this outcome, the number of suicides is increasing every day.

Who is responsible for this? Our families and our society are truly responsible for this curse.

If your child complains to you every day that "you don't love him", "you love his brother more and support him more", or "you don't care about him and don't support him emotionally", don't please laugh off their complaints. complaints with a smile.

They didn't suddenly express their feelings, they remembered your actions - both verbal and non-verbal - which made it clear to them that your love for him and his brother was different.

So give them the value of those little feelings. Take extra care. Never make the mistake of looking at two children with two eyes. Divide affection, love, care, or, hardness equally between each child.

No one in the world is perfect. Everyone has some flaws. It's a law of nature. Just as you can't be a perfect mother, your child can't be perfect because he or she excels in all areas, including academics and athletics. Everyone faces different challenges. The situation varies from home to home and from child to child.

If you think deeply, your two children differ in their abilities and skills. So they should be allowed to go according to their abilities and skills.

If your child doesn't like to sing, don't force them to take singing lessons. Maybe they are more interested in learning other things. Find out which ones they like. Help them move forward based on their choices. You will see that success is very close to your child.

Remember that every child is unique. They have different levels of interest, different strengths, and weaknesses, Keep you and your child away from unnecessary social pressures.

This tendency to compete and compare is more common in parents than in children. Exit this feature. Make life easier. Don't make life so hard for your children. Let their colorful childhood remain colorful.

Let your kids be free to follow their desires and dreams. Let them fly like free birds. One day, you will see that excellence and success will surely be presented in glorious colors.

Always be proud of your children. Give them your love and try to make your child an honest, brave and confident person.

", Comparison is the death of peace and happiness".

So don't deprive your children of happiness, peace, well-being, joy and creativity in their lives,

Life is good. Don't make it more difficult. Let this beautiful creation of Allah remain so simple and beautiful. You will be able to live your life full of breath and peace.

Comparison between children is like a curse to them. Do not let their lives become so toxic. Keep our children away from this toxic air. Draw your children closer and create a sweet bond with them. At the end of the day, you will also have gained a good friend.