Can We Stop Assigning Gender At Birth?

My transgender son has had to endure a multitude of physical, emotional, social, and mental trials over the years. I’m grateful there have been incredible physicians we’ve encountered — some having gone above and beyond to help us through my son’s transition and rough times. And thankfully, we have a fantastic support system with family and friends. However, other families are not as fortunate as we have been.

According to The Centre for Suicide Prevention, up to 43% of transgender people have attempted suicide in their lifetime.

Gender dysphoria can cause daily anxiety and depression in many transgender people. But gender dysphoria isn’t the only culprit of mental health issues for trans folx. The ridiculous amount of discrimination many suffer is also a contributing factor. Bullying and violence add to this anxiety-filled pot. And because of the lack of acceptance or outright family rejection for some trans youth, homelessness is their reality.

These horrific facts and details turn over inside my mind almost daily. They scare and sadden me. And so I consider what could be changed — for the better — if allowed to do things differently.

What if we referred to our children using the gender-neutral pronouns ‘they,’ ‘them,’ and ‘their’ from birth?

What if we waited until our kids were old enough to tell us whether they identified as male, female, nonbinary, trans, or any other gender out there? And only then used more specific pronouns — pronouns they felt most accurately expressed their gender?

Most children can categorize their own gender by age three, according to the Mayo Clinic. However, they caution that gender is fluid, and it might take years for a child to thoroughly understand and express themselves genuinely. But if we start with ‘they’ from day one, we could let our kids guide us to their most authentic selves.

But would this work in the ‘real’ world?

The only time a person’s biological sex might need to be known is when a medical emergency occurs. So 99.9% of the time, a child’s biological sex does not need to be disclosed to anyone outside their immediate family. Because of this, I think raising our kids with gender-neutral pronouns could absolutely work in the ‘real’ world.

What if our children were allowed to explore their gender expression?

They could choose toys from any shelf they wanted at the store. There would be no reason to separate so-called ‘girls’ toys from ‘boys.’ Kids could choose and play with any toy they wanted.

We could take that a step further and even display Barbie next to Transformers in the toy departments. (I promise the world will not collapse.)

Clothing could be picked from any rack regardless of whether specifically designed for boys or girls. A shirt, or pants, or dress can be considered feminine or masculine, but none of these items have their own gender. Inanimate objects are genderless.

So why should we limit our child’s expression and imagination because some hold on to the old-fashioned idea that clothing has a gender? Late last year GQ Magazine announced its prediction that gender-fluid clothing would be the future. That’s an exciting prediction with so much potential.

What would the world look like without gender restrictions in place everywhere we went? Disregarding gender classification and segregation in public life could allow our kids to explore and express their own gender identities any way they saw fit.

Some might argue that raising a child as neither a boy or a girl might put them in danger of bullying as they enter school. And unfortunately, many educational systems only support the binary world of gender where a person is either male or female, and no other genders exist. So, yes, bullying in school — and in other social or public places — is a real possibility.

But this problem only exemplifies why we need to educate our kids about the fluidity of gender. Schools only embrace the binary world of gender out of ignorant habit. Our educational institutions are places for learning and growing, not stagnant tradition.

Maybe we could go as far as adopting similar principles as Sweden; a country considered a pioneer of gay rights. In Stockholm sits Egalia, the country’s first gender-neutral preschool. Inside its walls, every student is referred to as ‘friend’ rather than ‘boy’ or ‘girl’ by everyone. Can you imagine the equality promoted in a place like that?

I think raising kids without assigned gender communicates to them that they will be loved and accepted no matter their identity. And I think this is especially important for kids who identify as transgender because of the high rates of depression, anxiety, and suicide.

Getting to know our children as ‘kids’ rather than ‘boys’ or ‘girls’ would give us the unique opportunity to nurture them as real individuals. Whether or not our kids identify as LGBTQ+ is ultimately irrelevant. However, by introducing a gender-neutral world to our children, the acceptance of transgender individuals — and everyone within the LGBTQ+ community — could flourish. The potential to eliminate depression and anxiety caused by gender dysphoria might exist within this new gender-neutral world as well.

The positive possibilities could grow exponentially. Without gender comparison as the norm, discrimination, and bullying could disappear. Violence against transgender individuals would consequently decrease. And with such open-minded acceptance, homelessness, and suicide rates in transgender individuals could decline substantially.

The possibility that this gender-neutral dream world might come to fruition someday gives me hope for our future. A future where individuals like my son are recognized for who they genuinely are and not who we might assume them to be.