Brah, I love you but l don’t like you…

Would you dare say these words out loud ?

Loving someone without liking them is a thing. A very real thing. Not an easy or comfortable thing to deal with especially if you have a blood connection with someone !

How can it be easy or simple when familial bonds bind you to someone you just don't like. A stranger is much easier to dislike. They don’t deserve your loyalty but disliking your own flesh and blood … gives off some bad vibes ! As family we are supposed to be united no matter what. That’s how most of us have been raised. The thought of whether you like this relation or that relation especially in your immediate family is not something to be entertained. So you get on with it and love your relative; mother, father ,brother, sister, spouse, child, cousin and you keep your dirty little secret to yourself, that if you had a choice you would rather not have some of these people in your life because you don’t like them or being around them. However, since you can’t choose your family you suck it up !

It's not easy to own up to these feelings.  It's almost like a betrayal of an unwritten family code , "Thou shalt not admit that thou don't like your  relative !”Saying out loud, "l don't like my mother" sounds sacrilegious and almost diabolic, doesn't it ?  How would you look at a person who boldly speaks this for all to hear and judge ? Hearing someone, anyone even a stranger utter such a statement is likely to be alarming or disconcerting for most of us. We have been socialised to protect familial bonds at all cost. No matter your cultural background,  religious affiliation or creed this is one matter that 'society' seems to be mum about.

But the reality is a lot of us find ourselves in this very untenable position where we have grown up with someone  or been raised by someone that we may have never liked or have grown to dislike. For whatever reason. You know that you don't like your brother. Period. How complicated is that?

So what happens next ? What does this realisation or admission mean for you, and for your relationship with this person. Do you confront them with your newly discovered dislike for them ? What ?

There are no easy answers in this matter. It is complicated.

In my own experience acknowledging the dislike for this person has simply been the beginning. Once l admitted to myself  that l don't like my relative (name supplied) my spirit within felt less burdened.  I was able to put a name as to why l have a troubled relationship with my kith and kin ! l have not verbalised this dislike to my relative yet and it’s not likely that l will be doing so anytime soon. Talking about this is not likely to improve our relationship any further and instead may make things even worsez I am also not looking to share this with other members of my family to avoid feeding into the family gossip mill. For now we will leave it at acknowledging my own feelings that I just don't like the way he or she does certain things but that doesn't change the fact that they are my relation and blood is thicker than water, right ? Even though l know our relationship is not healthy or productive, cutting this person out of my life is not possible even though we don't share our lives. Our connection is deeper than superfluous feelings.

However it's easier said than done.   To "like" someone makes loving them so much easier !

If you find this piece interesting, please consider subscribing, leaving a like, or even a tip. To connect with me or donate email me: [email protected]

Your support means a lot to me as a writer!