Teen Speak

You think kids say the funniest things?

Let me tell you, the teens take the chortle awards!

You'd think that as a teacher, I'd be well-prepared for the little ingots of teenage life, but far too often, I am caught off guard. While some comments can be hilarious in their innocence, often slightly misguided - they also shed light on the experience of our youths as they navigate the world, trying to make sense of it all. I wish them luck with that.

So, here's a peek into some of the funny, bewildering, and sometimes bizarre things that have come out of my students’ mouths and pens.

Othello the Helpful Moor

An A Level literature student. The concluding sentence of an analysis essay:

"Othello finally does something useful and kills himself."

I always tell students to consider a range of interpretations and different angles when looking at literature. THIS is certainly AN angle

Feeling OLD

At the annual Halloween student monster mash party, a 9th grader dressed like a Zombie, asks inquisitively, “So, er, Miss, like, what did you use to do when you were, um... you know,” shifting his feet, “young?”

Oh, I don’t know, really. Etched stick figures with flint on the cave wall? Sheared sheep with a scythe… that kind of thing. Jeez, give me a break; you’re fifteen years old. At school at 11pm on a Friday night dressed like an extra from 'World War Z' Not exactly the height of cool, is it really?

Actual response. "Oh you know, this and that, same as you mostly, hanging out, movies" I dared him to be shocked that movies existed in my era. A resounding, "OH" before he shuffled off to talk to someone, anyone far more interesting.

Fake News

A dramatic 18-year-old exclaimed, “O.M.G. Miss, the world’s gone mad.” Take a breath. By her tone, I knew this was going to be interesting. Either a boyfriend issue or some other conspiracy theory (they’re all the rage in Slovakia). I supposed the latter. Breathe.

“Why do you say that?” I asked as evenly as I could muster. It’s the last lesson, and I am tired.

“They’re letting kids identify as cats now. And they use litter trays!”

“Uhuh. That sounds like fake news to me.”

“No, no, I read it, Miss, I swear!”

And where exactly did you read it - on the back of a bus? I think. I remind myself; I am an educator. My job is to educate. Repeat. Breathe. I am..

“OK, where did you read it?”

“On the internet, Miss.”

Of course, you did.

“I think I need to check that out,” I whisper with a calmness I do not feel.

After a quick Google search, I skipped the Daily Mail, glanced at The Guardian, and then bingo,

A bit too triumphantly, I wave my iPad in the air like a trophy of truth. I show her the article. The rest of the class gathers around. They were shocked that it was so easy to be fooled. I was not. Apparently, they had all believed it. Needless to say, I ditched my lesson on the nuances of Middle English in favor of a discussion about how and why sources need to be checked and information validated.

Tired by Tuesday

“Miss, do you think we could leave a bit early? It’s just…” I zone out after the break.

“Sure,” I say flippantly.

“Really?” Finally, some passion.

“Yeah, but you’ll need to write me a persuasive speech using at least three rhetorical devices, convincing me why I would let you do that,” I reply matter-of-factly.

“Nah,” he sighs as if his mom just told him Santa had broken his foot and couldn’t make it this year. “You’re alright, Miss.” I mean, really, what did he expect my response to be? “Sure, why not, who needs school anyway? Why don’t you stop by the off-license on your way home and grab a bottle of vodka for the night? You could use a little more fun in your life!”

Teenagers. They make you laugh, they make you cry, but most of all, they keep life interesting. These snippets from my classroom are not just funny little anecdotes. They reflect the real joy that is teaching (most of the rest of the stuff is utterly awful) – a front row seat to the movie of a developing soul. It is hard to watch them leave as fully formed adults, but the often hilarious journey I get to ride with them for the five years of their high school life keeps it interesting. That’s for sure!