Five Little Monkeys Jumping on the Bed - Ranking Weird YouTube Kids Videos

The videos made for children on YouTube are notoriously weird. Over the years, most genuinely disturbing content has been removed, but that has not necessarily resulted in a decrease in overall oddness. Preschoolers are not the most discerning viewers, and it’s easy for content creators to quickly churn out literally whatever and rake in the views.

I am not a kid, but as somebody who teaches English as a Foreign Language to young children, I’ve seen more than my fair share of kids’ content. I like using videos in my classes. It can give my students a small break, reinforce concepts, and make them smile. Since I frequently find myself teaching children the English words for numbers, the song Five Little Monkeys Jumping on the Bed gets used a lot. Luckily for me, there are hundreds of variations on this song to help me customize my students’ learning experience. Less luckily, some of those variations are bizarre and vaguely unsettling monstrosities

Below, you will find my rankings and reviews of various videos about the five monkeys and their other bed jumping brethren.

Five Little Monkeys Jumping On the Bed - Flickbox Kids Songs

Weirdness ranking: 1/10

Quality: 8/10

This video is just a good basic version of Five Little Monkeys. When I’m not trying to be creative in class, this is my go to Five Little Monkeys video. Aside from the unnecessary laugh track at the end, nothing about it stands out. Sometimes, not standing out is a good thing.

Five Little Monkeys Jumping on the Bed - Bounce Patrol

Weirdness Ranking: 0/10

Quality Ranking: 11/10

Bounce Patrol are honestly fashion icons. Their content is consistently useful and educational. None of it will give you or any children in your charge nightmares. Their version of Five Little Monkeys seamlessly combines cute animations with energetic live action dancing. Obviously, this is the best version of Five Little Monkeys.

Five Little Monkeys Jumping on the Bed - CVS 3D Rhymes

Weirdness Ranking: 6/10

Quality Ranking: 5/10

Why is mommy monkey so terrifying? Why is mommy monkey so terrifying?? Also, the doctor seems a bit intense in his condemnation of the naughty little monkeys. Oh no. The CGI is a soulless, but I feel like I should give the creator some credit for knowing how to make an animation in the first place. I couldn’t do that.

Five Little Octopus Jumping on the Bed

Weirdness Ranking: 5/10

Quality Ranking: 10/10

Some people might disagree with my quality ranking, but I like this video. What can I say? The orchestrations are catchy and the animation is cute. It’s easy to turn this version of the song into a full on dance party.

There is, however, one small issue. The doctor is a shark. A shark! Who gave the shark his medical license? Does he eat his patients? Also, can we talk about that upside down fish with the IV sticking out of him? At least if he dies, Doctor Shark will have a nice snack for later.

Five Little Princesses Jumping on the Bed

Weirdness Ranking: 4/10

Quality Ranking: 7/10

Oh cool! A blatant cash grab in the form of knock-off Disney! This video is inoffensive and does what it sets out to do. Interestingly, it also implies that all of the Disney princesses have the same mother. This is technically plausible, since all of the pictured princesses are motherless by the time of their respective films. Clearly the “Mama” in this video had many different husbands and died some time after giving birth to her five princess daughters. Maybe jumping on and consequently falling out of beds runs in the family. Maybe “Mama” gave it a try and wasn’t as lucky as her royal children.

Five Little Babies Jumping on the Bed

Weirdness Ranking: 12/10

Quality Ranking: 5/10

I’m giving this a mid-level quality ranking, because clearly whoever made it put in some thought and creativity. I mean, look at the character design! We’ve got nerd baby, cowboy baby, baby hat baby, green baby, and girl baby. Throughout the video, they each get to show their own personality. For that, I must give the animator credit.

That said.

That said...

Uhg. No. This is bad and I wish I could unsee it.

Five Little Numbers Jumping on the Bed

Weirdness Ranking: -2/10

Quality Ranking: 3/10

The whole point of the Five Little Monkeys nursery rhyme is to teach kids about counting. This version of the song has cut out the middleman (middle monkey?) and left in only the bare bones concept. The numbers are the star of the show!

There‘s very little special or creative about this video. There are numbers. They fall off the bed. They jump. Except… wait……???

Why in the name of all that is holy are tiny demon faces periodically peaking up from behind the numbers??

Revised Weirdness Ranking: 10/10 (WhywhyWHYwhy)

Five Little Pony (sic) Jumping on the Bed

Weirdness Ranking: 0/10

Quality Ranking: 0/10

Notice how the audio says the things jumping on the bed are “monkeys”, but the video shows stolen My Little Pony characters. This video isn’t weird. It’s just lazy.