Doug the World’s Largest Potato

The largest potato known to mankind has been discovered in New Zealand. While most potatoes weigh ½ pound, this one is seventeen pounds. It has been described as a monstrous mutant potato.

I do not have a picture of the potato due to copyright concerns. And it would be foolhardy to risk a legal battle with people willing to grow large mutant monster potatoes.

Here is a picture of a mutant and another of a potato. You can imagine what a hideous monster the combination of these two would make.

While there is no evidence that the potato poses any kind of risk, it also cannot be ruled out. Stranger things have happened.

There has also been no evidence that there is a connection between this mutant potato and COVID-19. However, one must ask, if COVID-19 had not occurred, would we still have monster mutant potatoes? None of this happened before the pandemic. But I want to stress there is no evidence that a link exists, not yet anyway.

It has been reported that plans are underway to use the potato to produce vodka. You must ask yourself; would you drink vodka made from a mutant? If so, what affect would it have on you? People have been known to do strange things when consuming vodka. Can you imagine what may happen if you drank vodka made from a mutant potato.

We would like to stress that there is no evidence that the vodka would be any different from vodka made from normal potatoes. But are you willing to risk it? Would you let your child drink it? I think it’s fair to say that any responsible adult would never allow a child to drink vodka made from mutant potatoes. In fact, if they knew of this hideous act taking place, they should report it to the authorities.

I think we all just have to accept that the world is changing. We cannot go back to a simpler time. A time when you could sit on your front porch and greet your neighbors. Maybe enjoy a cool glass of lemonade with them. Lemonade made from regular wholesome lemons, not some type of mutated produce like we see today. Where did we go wrong?

Now don’t get me wrong, I’m not suggesting that the world is going to end. Just because a monster mutant potato has been discovered. But I am saying that as more and more mutations occur, we may someday reach a tipping point. A point of no return. A day when the mutants rule the world, instead of good old-fashion folk.

When that day comes, and it may never come, are you going to be prepared? Will you be willing to fight for your freedom? Will you be willing to only shop at grocers who sell non-mutant produce? Or will you follow the masses and indulge in these perverted monstrous abominations of nature?

Unfortunately, these are the questions we are left with. These are challenges that not only we must face, but our children and grandchildren will need to face. If you have not done so already, I urge you to sit down with your children and reassure them we will be able to not only survive, but once again prosper. It is important that in these dark times. We keep hope alive.

Once again, I would like to point out that as of now, there is absolutely no evidence that this mutant potato poses any risk to humankind. It is only out of an abundance of caution that we must consider all the consequences this new frightening world will bring.

Make vodka out of the potato. I say no! Deep fry the sucker!