Haunted Shadows: How to Outsmart Your Stalker

Stalking is a dangerous but highly underrated crime, a form of physical and emotional abuse. Anyone can be a victim. If not tackled quickly, a seemingly harmless pursuit can rapidly turn into an overconsuming obsession.

There are many misconceptions about stalking, depicted by its cinematic definition —  a crazy man or woman gets obsessed with an attractive stranger, gets rejected and then goes on a psychotic rampage.

In reality, stalking isn’t all that dramatic, if you are lucky. But things can escalate if not handled well.

It’s also quite rare for a stalker to be a complete stranger, unless we’re dealing with a public figure. Most of the times, the stalker is someone known to the victim. It may be a colleague, an ex or an acquaintance.

Stalking may have little to do with how attractive you are. Not all cases of stalking are triggered by attraction or obsessive crushes, they can also stem from vengeance and malevolence.

How it starts

It’s not always easy to identify stalking in its initial phase.

Running into that ex-colleague in unexpected places seems perfectly innocent. Perhaps both of you happen to share similar interests and preferences. What else can it be, if not a coincidence?

You dismiss it initially, until it repeats multiple times. That’s when it starts feeling creepy.

The person actively engages with you each time, but not before displaying their fake surprise by your presence. It throws you off the balance, making you wonder if you’re paranoid.

A clever stalker might even joke about “you stalking him” — an effort to turn the tables on you — before you can make the accusation.

Stalking isn’t always physical. It can happen online too. And more easily at that! The friendly guy you got introduced to at the party befriends you on social media. Nothing wrong with that. Not until he starts contacting you too frequently, liking your every post, adding personal comments as if he knows you well. That’s classic cyberstalking.

How to identify stalkers

If a person displays a repetitive pattern of obsessive pursuit, you are being stalked.

Here are a few red flags to look out for.

• Someone you don’t know well shows excessive interest in you.
• They contact you frequently on some lame pretext.
• They keep coming in your way even though you don’t reciprocate their eagerness.
• You bump into them at regular places you visit — the gym, grocery shop, morning run, evening stroll, outside your workplace, or worse, in your neighbourhood.
• Sometimes, they put on the mask of a do-gooder.

Let me give you a real life example.

imagine while leaving from work late at night, you get to your car and notice a flat tire. It was normal when you parked it. Desperately considering your options to get help, you suddenly hear a familiar voice. That mysterious colleague appears from nowhere and offers to change your tire. You feel grateful and perhaps even obligated to offer him a ride.

Your alter ego questions — what was he doing here? Where did he come from? But you brush aside your doubts.

Sounds like a scene from a psycho movie right? Trust me, these things can and do happen in real life.

Listen to your instincts, your inner voice.

It’s not always paranoid.

When an ex is the stalker

Getting stalked by an ex is a different ballgame altogether. Things are usually much more prominent and nasty, unless they’re just secretly cyberstalking you.

You’ve just broken up with your partner, or managed to get out of an abusive relationship. Obviously, an abuser won’t give a damn about your wishes. They’ll flood you with texts, calls, turn up at your doorstep, at your workplace. You’ll tell them to stay away, but they’ll disregard everything. No amount of ghosting or avoidance might help either.

If you are facing something of this magnitude with an aggressive ex, it’s best to file a formal police complaint, especially if you fear physical harm from an abusive partner.

✅ If you have an abusive partner or friend, this 👇 might help.

Take actions against the stalker

The degree of aggression can vary in stalking, as with any other crime.

Take action based on how things progress.

• For milder forms of stalking — when the stalker is merely annoying you with unwanted calls, texts, emails, without resorting to threats — blocking the person on all possible channels can usually be effective.
• Give them a stern warning — make it very clear, preferably in writing or in people’s presence, that their behaviour is troublesome and you want to be left alone. This builds up future evidence in your favour.

• Gather evidence of their actions and safeguard the records — this includes all call logs, texts, emails, anything you can think of. Record all conversations if possible, but without their knowledge. Best case scenario — you’ll not need to use the evidence at all, but no harm in having them.
• Confide in your close friends and family — keep them aware of what’s going on — and not just for mental support. It’s important that they don’t unwittingly share any information about you, in case your stalker approaches them posing as your friend.
• If the stalker is someone from your workplace — file a HR complaint. Don’t wait for too long. Also apprise your other colleagues on the situation before your stalker attempts a smear campaign against you.
• However, if you fear for your safety, go to the cops as soon as possible. Carry all the evidence you’ve collected, give a detailed complaint and ask a close friend to come along as a witness.

• Get a restraining order if things become extreme — it will officially criminalize them.
• The restraining order will result in one of the two things — either your perpetrator will leave you alone, or if he’s a psychopath, he’ll get madder and more aggressive.
• The second scenario is a dangerous one — it may be a good time to consider a gun licence. And do take up a beginner’s training if you are new to guns.

Disclaimer: By no means do I promote violence of any kind. But everyone has a right to self-defence. My suggestion is based on the numerous incidents where victims have been attacked and killed by their abusers in spite of taking out restraining orders. You see, people with APD have zero regard for law and won’t heed court orders. So, when law fails, it’s only prudent for a law abiding citizen to take necessary steps for protection.

Key Takeaways

As a stalking victim, it’s not easy to handle the emotional torture, helplessness and constant fear of having to look over your shoulder.

Nevertheless, stalking must be nipped in the bud. Else it can turn into an absolute nightmare. It ruins self-confidence and drives the wisest of people into insanity.

Don’t ever let a psychopath turn you into a psychological mess. Take proactive measures and regain control of your life.

✅ If you like to read on psychology, this 👇 might be interesting.

Thanks for reading.