Realistic Job Search

I'm no longer in my delulu era. I have to be realistic about how I work, what works for me, and how I can best try to balance income, mental health, physical health, emotional health, and even the health and maintenance of my own friends (social life) and family.

I think I can probably blame Sex and the City for setting up expectations of what I thought life by my 30s was going to be like. Spoiler alert: my real life now, late-30s is nothing like Sex and the City. (Even during early and mid-30s it was nothing like it!)

I feel like I am in a post-pandemic career recovery phase, where I've had to re-assess who I am, how I like to work, and what kind of work do I actually want to do in the long term?

Also, I have to be realistic. I can't just over-promise on projects or campaigns and hope for the best, or burn myself out reaching those goals. I don't know, is it the vaccines?! Have my adrenals been withered by pandemic stress? Do I have undetectably mild symptoms of long Covid? (Though I haven't ever tested positive for Covid yet - touch wood!)

I'm psychologically wearied from the Pandemic, that is for sure. When I think about how much I used to push myself in my work life prior to, and during -- and how I simply can't exist like that any longer. I have nothing left in me to give and give.

I'm writing this reflection on the heels of saying no to some job projects which I could have bid on, but decided, "Nah-- It ain't gonna work for me," not anymore. Maybe 10 years ago. But not now. No more. And I can already foresee it. That's a "desperation" job. That's a job for someone who doesn't yet know their own physical and mental limits. That's a job for someone with hope, optimism, and perhaps the energy of someone on 3 cans of energy drinks. It's just not something that I'm going to put myself through any longer.

I want to work. I want to earn money. But I need tasks and projects that I can "close the door" to, or shut my laptop, and simply leave there, when I need to then be present for myself, my family and my other life experiences. Appointments, commitments, anything else that is not work.

Yes, it does sometimes feel like a rarity. A divinely orchestrated stroke of luck to find that balance, as well as fairly paid. (I'm not even sure if I can confidently make that claim)

Meanwhile, other friends who have "taken a break" are all having babies. Is that all that we are allowed? A "baby break"?

No. That is not for me. But I am taking a "Me break" and I need to slow things down for me.

My life doesn't look anything remotely close to the lives of Samantha, Miranda, Carrie and Charlotte. I'm not in a fancy New York apartment, I'm not being invited to art gallery openings or cocktail parties. It's actually just a lot of day to day housework, errands, and tallying up the leftover cash for groceries. But even then -- I can't push myself to strive for more.

It's feeling physically impossible. I don't want to. Because I've burned myself out and I'm still in recovery. In fact, I like small, menial tasks that pay enough -- not yet taken over by A.I., and perhaps we could work alongside of?

I'm wondering when the cash flow will be enough for smart investments, though. That's my new Millennial dream. Side hustling enough to let my money work for me.