Narcissists are Soul Killers
Narcissists are the worst mental illness in the psychological community and unfortunately can't manage civil relations if it killed them. It's challenging to note if you're not accepting your role in the discontent you're experiencing, why pretend it's someone else? Read on...
This story begins with a shattered heart of being used in this life and not recognizing that is the role of every individual who breathes. My mother once told me, "You're going to be used in this life, it's no doubt but how much is up to you." I met a woman at work who experienced a nasty breakup. She shared, "Her child's father left her with a 2-year old and she was devastated." She didn't ever think the relationship would end and she hadn't prepared nonetheless. Her son was experiencing every tense moment of her disconnect and I observed it every time I called her. He would be in her face or lap and clawing at her for security. She, let's call her Melanie, was crying a lot and children can sense when things are not right. Unfortunately, I felt empathy and decided to help her financially get back on her feet. Little did I know she was a narcissist ready to suck up my existence.
Everyone is Not Worthy of Financial Assistance
Anytime she needed assistance I would comply. When she needed money for food, rent, car insurance, car payments, miscellaneous, etc. I helped her. It became a ritual and she was close to me as anyone would be when help is a call away. She was calling me expressing her pain and how he left suddenly. He was dating a woman on social media and apparently had the relationship some time to weasel out a way to walk away from his child and her. It was my aim to ensure she had the necessities because if security was addressed, her son, Ethan would calm down.
I helped her because her son was sporadic in his behavior and it was my aim to help her with him so he wouldn't be too uncomfortable without the luxury of bare life amenities. Little did I know she was plotting to ghost me over time as she got on her feet, typical of narcissistic behavior. I helped her almost three (3) years when I realized it was a ploy to use me only and nothing more. The words she shared, "I love you more" was not genuine and salty. The pics she forwarded me of her in the mirror gazing at herself and needing constant accolades of how attractive she was were head on symptoms of narcissism. She relished on it. Whatever he had done to her, she set out to do it to me or any suspecting soul. Everybody plays the fool, sometimes even when trying to do good. I learned.
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A Fatal Mistake Occurred that Changed Everything
After helping her so much and the constant contact to check on her, I was falling in love with her. I reasoned myself as a Savior of sorts to a battered-soul. Melanie was a beautiful woman on the outside, on the inside, she was devoid of emotions, but I know she faked she loved me too to a point but it was all a lie to get what she wanted and keep the flow of money to help her. I made a fatal mistake to tell her, "I loved her." Ironically, she would respond, "I love you more." It appeared sincere at the onset but as time went on, she was getting use to me and her moods changed a lot. I knew she was going through some stresses trying to stay above water and I could only imagine what she was feeling to resort to the help of a coworker but she continued to take and take and take. She was nice to me for at least two years. I'm sure that was a world record for her. Of course, she was vulnerable and was trying to swim, I get it. It was like a BF Skinner experiment where she deployed good responses for the funds I was giving her. And when I wouldn't facilitate her needs, she would retaliate or ghost. Of course, I had financial responsibilities too. One of the things I noticed was so apparent was each year her birthday came, I bought her a gift and her son's birthday too. When I met her he was two, he'll be five (5) this November 10, 2022.
As time went on she began to get stronger emotionally and manage some finances on her own but she was too under the water to recover and I wasn't observing any positive responses to me for anything not even a snicker bar, pencil, or cup. Nothing. She never recognized my birthday but we did exchange niceties on the holidays but no gifts were exchanged. There would be days she wouldn't call, which she declared she had to distance herself to think and focus on a plan to get on her feet and stay there. Things were getting worse and she couldn't manage it on her own, so she ghosted me.
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Ghosting is a Cop-Out for Cowards
The first time she ghosted me, I didn't like it and when I saw her at work approached her to find out what was happening. It was then did she disclose she had to distance herself to try to fix her situation. Somehow, it appeared quite the opposite and now that I look back on it, like hindsight is twenty-twenty, she was locating other supplies to help her besides me. And the more I helped, the more my feelings were growing. So, with my psychology background, I did more research on NPD. It wasn't looking good so I began to change my feelings because I knew what the end game would be. Like I said, she was very attractive and was sending pictures of outings she and Ethan were going on and the pics were breathtaking. I wasn't compelled to keep her happy anymore. I could see a pattern where she was ghosting me for no reason and popping back up like nothing happened. I was tiring of this behavior so I began to help less.
Popular at Work
She was a reserved type of woman but because she was hippy, stacked, and attractive, all of the men noticed her and she reveled in the attention. Narcissists crave undying attention. I questioned some of the interactions with men she experienced and she assured me it was nothing. She was sneaky and quiet but when she approached would instantly share what she needed despite the behavior she rendered to me previously. I wasn't complying to her needs anymore because I could tell, I was being used and the "love you more" was crap as she began to get stronger. The actions of a Narcissist is to gain what they need and discard when they don't.
As I stated before, I am a psychology minor and was fascinated with BF Skinner's theory, Operant Conditioning and decided to put my training into action by supplying Melanie with funds. I had no intention on helping her forever but she began to act out quicker than I anticipated. During the monitoring of her behavior, I caught her many times gazing at me with looks of evil as though to annihilate me. I witnessed the NPD up close and the results of the experiment were exact. Melanie ghosted me more and more until eventually, she changed her number and avoided me at work at cost. The feeling was mutual because I knew the behavior and expected it. But one of the things I realized is her previous relationships were indicative of her mannerisms towards her suitors as she expressed in the beginning. It's three-sides to a story and I never received her suitors version. Somehow, now I understand why he departed and never went back.
Moreover, after managing her behavior could fathom the discontent he endured and understood why he left. Individuals with NPD never own up to their faults and flaws but blame everyone for everything that happens when things go sour. I feel blessed to have met her because I had never met a narcissists but she fit the pattern exactly in every way. I can only imagine how her children managed the rearing process. She was cold and calculating, firm and sometimes down right evil. Never make the mistake to approach a narcissists to inquire about a questionable action or your head will be severed immediately and then ghosting will ensue because narcissist can not take upfront, genuine communication at all. Someone is always to blame for the shortcomings and it's never them. In the famous words of the Spinners, "Love Don't Love Nobody" and neither do Narcissists.
About the Creator
E Chance
Hi Everybody. My name is E Chance. I wrote a couple of books but contracted COVID-19 and almost lost it all. The comeback from that illness compelled me to do more to help others either in deed or the written word. I hope I can help here!
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