Listening and Watching

Today (December 7th, 2021) I have watched television and listened to the radio. Such different views and voices on different channels or stations. It is so difficult for me at age 50 to know what is true.

Some people are still reporting riots and mass thefts claiming that left-wing theorists are to blame because jail or prison isn't functioning anymore. Some people are reporting that there is no date, no time, no location anymore. Some people are reporting that there is no America, no President, and no Christmas. Some people are reporting that there is no sane, no insane, and basically that we are all dying from Aids, Cancer, Corona-Virus and Global Warming. Did I make it to age 50 to watch the end of the world? I can't take a nap right now. My body feels pains as I try to fall asleep and it wakes me up. I'm supposed to get a phone call at 10:00 for an interview for an employment agency. R.E.M. sang a song in the late 80s "It's the end of the world and I feel fine," but that was over thirty years ago, according to my memory, and if it's the end of the world today in 2021, I can't say that I feel fine.

I guess I'm just not sure what to believe anymore. The things I hear are so bad that I can't recover from the shock. Some of the right-wing Republicans are saying the left-wing Democrats are to blame for destroying jail and for insane spending. I honestly think everyone is to blame and I can only express my "truth" based on my personal experience.

I've been to jail. I never thought I would get dubbed a "criminal" as I had tried very hard to be a good person. I never owned a gun. I never shot anyone although there were times maybe it would have been the right thing to do. I have an "End Gun Violence" sticker on my laptop now, even though I spent the last decade preaching and defending the Constitution (which includes the right to bear arms) because I didn't want Freedom of Speech or Freedom of Religion to get compromised. I put the sticker on my laptop contradicting what I preached for over 10 years because I got tired of listening to the news reporters with the same stories of who shot who. Jail isn't going to cure a murderer. Police don't want to be police anymore because they're tired of getting shot, killed, and labeled the "bad guy". There's no paycheck or benefit that can cure that. Everyone has done the "hero" thing and they saw what the reward was: pain, humiliation, poverty, and death.

Now what do we do? Watch all the buildings get abandoned as people hide in their homes? Watch the drivers with no insurance, no legal driver's license, no legal tag, drive around laughing like maniacs because they don't care. They're free! Now what do we do?

How am I supposed to help? The system that's failing is the same system that stripped me of my right to vote, my right to teach, my right to say I'm a mother or a wife, and my right to speak freely. I'm naked, bleeding, suffering as I still hold my driver's license and health insurance card and I'm wondering with a shrug, "What do really expect me to do?"

Did I see bad things in jail? Yes. Were all the cops heroes and good? No. Were there bad people there? Yes. Was I bad? No.

Honestly, I am a Native-born American, and I see my country falling apart. The only answer is the answer that neither the Republicans or the Democrats want to hear. The answer is stop lying. Stop lying about death. Stop lying about life. Stop lying to your family. Stop lying to your spouse. Stop lying to your children. You want to know who to aim the gun at? Ambition.