Still Alice

My mom was diagnosed with dementia when I started to read "Still Alice," an impeccable writer. Lisa Genova and her story helped me know that even when diagnosed with an illness, they may not remember things, even their name, but there are ways of living life to the fullest.

In the book, they used a Blackberry phone with all the information for Alice to go to her class and directions on how to go home.

In our case, our mother and father were soul mates for life. Dad would guide her, and she would be beside him and call him, "The Love Of My Life."

The book changed my way of thinking about the fear of Dementia; in the beginning, when you begin to forget, it is frightening. Yet with reassuring words that I love you, I will be there for you. Never get angry at the individual, consistency is so important.

I thank Lisa Genova for writing a story about this topic, as I find we are seeing more and more of this illness as we go. Even Alice in the story was a brilliant woman, married with children. It stated that it doesn't matter who you are; it can happen to anyone.

The coping aspect of the story was different for Alice and her husband as they both had terrific jobs, and her husband travelled a lot, taking him away quite often. The dynamics of the book show a close family working together, especially during the difficult times of the illness and how routine made life so much more for Alice, and her family.

With that being said, Mom always had Dad but eventually had a nurse come in and care for her, giving her showers and doing her makeup daily. Also, one day a week, Dad would get out to pay the bills, shop and have a coffee with friends. (not to forget the barber shop)

When he would return, her eyes just lit up to see him, as did his. He always told her how beautiful she was; she would always give him a big kiss.

My one sister would often get them out for coffee; Mom was so excited to see her, and never once did she forget her name.

While living in another city, I spoke on the phone to Mom and let her tell me many different stories. I did my best to visit, but I sometimes had another name, which was okay. I told her I loved her, and sometimes she would sit with me while I crocheted. (something she always did and taught me many years ago).

Mom shared many stories of her years of going down to the farm to see her Aunt Sarah and Uncle Elmer as a teen. She shared stories of dancing in her poodle skirts but, most of all, how she fell in love with my dad.

When I look at dementia, I will say there are many different types. The patient's life may look different, the mind may slowly begin to forget things, or it may be a fast process. Yet even when things look different, people may look like people from your past or someone you dont know. The more positive people around them, listening and caring, the better.

For those who love the dementia patient, life has changed for you. You may feel like you lost the person. you may feel outraged and want them back the way they were before. That is tough; know there are great places to go for help and talk about your feelings.

Even with the loss of memory, remember the person is still that person you loved. Most of all look at their face, their beautiful eyes. You can still see them differently than you are used to seeing them.

Embrace the moments you have together. Make memories that will last forever.

Take photos, walk, and write down little things along the way.

Remember they are still ..........?