Taylor Swift's "The Tortured Poets Department" Fan Review

I met Taylor Swift at the Mall of America in Bloomington, MN when I was eleven (maybe freshly twelve?) years old. At this point, Swift had one single on the radio, "Tim McGraw," and she was essentially a nobody. My god how things have changed. I was a fan then and I'm probably considered a superfan now. This is my first impression of her most recent album release, "The Tortured Poets Department."

And then I found out at 2 AM that the album was a secret DOUBLE album and my jaw dropped to the floor. What I thought would be an hour of listening time turned into so much more and it'd make sense if I'm sad about it but I'm far from it. She's so incredible. A mastermind.

Legendary.

Here we go:

“Fortnight” (feat. Post Malone)

This being the lead single off of her album is nothing but intentional and I want to understand all that Swift is trying to get across. This song gets dark pretty quickly...and I love it. She talks of murder and while this seems to coming from somewhere less focused on actually killing someone and instead more toward feelings of desperation and agony that are overwhelming at the time, it certainly is a strong statement.

My favorite lyric: "I love you, it's ruining my life." This is such a Swift comment and I found its integration lyrically and phonetically to be perfect, as expected. Post Malone's background vocals here are done to perfection and add so much to the song, I think he was truly a great addition to it.

I have to wonder a bit (and I'm sure I'm not the only one) if this song in some way is a reference to Joe Alwyn. I think this connection stands out not only because of the obvious fact that she and Alwyn dated for six years, but "fortnight" is a primarily English term and Alwyn is, in fact, British. But then again, many other lyrics of the song don't fit this exact narrative. There's reference to cheating and spouses and the like that don't match what we know of this relationship, but I think the reference to "I touch you for only a fortnight" is telling and something I can't ignore. It means something, I just don't know for sure what. Maybe there was infidelity, which has been of course rumored through the tabloids but I can only speculate.

But Matt Healy is also an option for the inspiration for this song, as he's also British and was linked to Swift in April/May/June of 2023, shortly after her breakup with Alwyn. This is a deep dive, the details of which I don't have the answers too, but Swift and Healy have been linked as far back as 2014 and it's rumored that he inspired her hit "We Are Never Getting Back Together" on the Red album, although Healy has denied the two were romantically linked prior to 2023.

No matter who this song is about, I think it says a lot about hurt and confusion in a time where someone only wanted love and commitment.

This song has a lot to unpack and maybe it will make more sense in combination with the rest of the album. I hope to find out.

But anyway, it's a great first single and I'm probably going to be saying this a lot, but I'm not disappointed.

“The Tortured Poets Department”

Ooooph, this gets good. The title track of the album! Whoever this song is about, this album is about. At least primarily. This song's theme seems to discuss working off a muse, who I presume to be Healy over Alwyn. I can't totally put a finger on it, but a lot of her lyrics seem to be more fleeing to me, as if this inspiration lasted only a short time because the relationship was similarly quick, and that doesn't fit with her six year relationship with Alwyn.

She also mentions two poets, Dylan Thomas and Patti Smith and I love that she states, essentially, we're not like them because "we're modern idiots." Woah. I can't decide what exactly she means here. Does she mean to say that the problems they face today are so trivial as to those of the past and they are silly for even entertaining them? Or that they aren't nearly as talented in their lyricism and writing abilities? Something else entirely? I'm dying to know, but love the inclusion of real life name-drops for a song that has so much to say.

The bridge of the song has me wrecked.

"Sometimes, I wonder if you're gonna screw this up with me

But you told Lucy you'd kill yourself if I ever leave

And I had said that to Jack about you, so I felt seen

Everyone we know understands why it's meant to be

'Cause we're crazy

So tell me, who else is gonna know me?

At dinner, you take my ring off my middle finger

And put it on the one people put wedding rings on

And that's the closest I've come to my heart exploding"

I don't really have words but damn. Damn that hit me...hard.

Overall, Swift seems to be referencing a relationship where she's figured out all that makes the other person who they are, the good, and arguably, the very bad. She references that they are both crazy multiple times and how if they end up not together, "who's gonna hold you?" and that says a lot about some level of toxicity that occurred to burn things so deep.

She's clearly conflicted and lost and it seems no one is around to actually lead her on the right bath. She seems very much lost in her own mind, and maybe that's by choice, but I do question that a bit.

It's a wild ride. This is so great.

“My Boy Only Breaks His Favorite Toys”

The premise of this song seems to suggest that Swift is the muse's "favorite toy" and he broke her, good...or bad, I suppose. The whole song seems to be a metaphor for "plastic" toys, "strings," "sand castles," etc. and how the "boy" the song is about has a habit of breaking the things he enjoys the most. There isn't too much to comment on specifically, as much of the song is shrouded in motifs and allusions that can only be left up to the imagination, but it's a true masterpiece in my opinion.

The outro is noteworthy to quote, however:

"Just say when, I'd play again

He was my best friend down at the sandlot

I felt more when we played pretend

Than with all the Kens

'Cause he took me out of my box

Stole my tortured heart

Left all these broken parts

Told me I'm better off

But I'm not

I'm not, I'm not"

The line that really hits home to me is when she says she felt more when "they played pretend" than when she played with physical Barbies and the like in the past. On one hand it makes sense. The real world is where the feelings live and one can only do so much in the world of make-believe to replicate that. But at the same time, it seems to imply that what she thought was real and honest was fake the whole time, and that's an entirely different level of destruction.

Woof.

“Down Bad”

This is probably one of my favorite songs so far. I can't pinpoint what exactly it is that makes me love it so much, but I do, and I guess that's enough of a reason.

The lyrics are beyond. They tell a story and they enrage me all at the same time. There's clear anger in this song, but also true hurt, as evidenced by all the f-bombs thrown intermittently throughout the songs.

"'Cause fuck it, I was in love

So fuck you if I can't have us

'Cause fuck it, I was in love"

I equally love the addition of "teenage petulance" as I think we are all guilty, even as a adults, of resorting to pettiness and brash emotions, synonymous with youth and inexperience. Even with time and heartbreak, happiness and loss, we have base feelings that sometimes need to be called what they are and not interwoven with symbolism and mystique.

“So Long, London”

So Swift notoriously has placed her most vulnerable songs fifth in her surplus of recent albums, so this song was highly anticipated by myself and likely every other Swiftie out there. I assumed it would be about Alwyn. And I still think it is, but I do have some questions and many thoughts.

Here we go:

This song is so clearly about false hope and holding onto it when it's slowly and painstakingly killing you. Its tragic and heartbreaking but unfortunately something most of us experience at some point in our lives as we figure out what we want, need, and deserve.

A particularly tear-jerking lyric is, "'And I'm pissed off you let me give you all that youth for free." Wow. Does she have true regrets? Or is she just angry that things didn't work out after devoting so much time and energy to a relationship that didn't stand the test of time, particularly at a time in her life when youth is relevant (fuck the Patriarchy, am I right?). Either way, tragic...and understandable, really. Especially speaking woman to woman--our window of fertility and youth is limited and there are real consequences for the time we spend focused on our endeavors. Men don't have the same problem, or anything similar, despite what they might make us think.

The song continues to sad imagery of a dying relationship for very real, visceral reasons. Something wasn't right, but how long do you stay hoping that something will change and make it all worth it?

This is a truly beautiful song about acceptance at the end of heartbreak. It references all the reasons Swift is feeling pain, resentment, and sadness but also suggests a beacon of hope for the muse and that he'll find happiness one day.

Its a beautiful thing to get to that point in any stage of grieving a relationship, and I think Swift does a spectacular job of painting a vivid picture of the good and the bad that comes with the process of grieving a lost love of their life.

“But Daddy I Love Him”

I was excited for this song, and while it wasn't what I expected, I enjoyed it all the same.

This song is reminiscent in a lot of ways to a prior Swift song, "Love Story." Maybe its the more modern version of it, but there are definitely a lot of parallels in the lyricism and story.

The beat and vocals of this song are palatable to the ear and something I found really wonderful. Swift did it again and created a true masterpiece. Even if there's no direct real-life connection to be made, that doesn't discount all of the amazing parts about this song and I think its as simple as that. We can draw from whatever experiences we want and create something beautiful, whether truly lived or not.

This song surprised me because I thought it would have a more direct parallel to Swift's real life but I think that's part of the beauty and awe in what she does--she's a writer and creator and not everything has to be so extremely personal.

Maybe I'm just missing the mark, but I feel in my gut this one's mostly meant to be a palate cleanser. That doesn't make it in less relevant or important but I think I've pleaded my case.

“Fresh Out the Slammer”

This song is very much about becoming free. Free from what, is up for debate, but very likely this is a reference to Swift and Alwyn's romance and how she felt restricted and unable to be herself for at least a portion of their time together.

As Swift says, "now pretty baby I'm runnin' back home to you, fresh out the slammer, I know who my first call will be to" I can't help but wonder if she's referencing Matt Healy and how this was an easy relationship to fall into following her breakup with Alwyn because of whatever history (?) they may or may not have.

Another notable line is "to the one who says I'm the girl of his American dreams." While this could be referencing either Alwyn or Healy I think its a very intentional lyric with a lot to unpack. A lot of feelings, that is.

The song overall, however, leaves a lot to be wanted. "But it's gonna be alright, I did my time," is how the song closes and I for one am left completely without closure. I have so many questions!

I enjoyed this song, as I believe I will relish in them all, but this one left me wanting more answers. I hope they are to come in all that there is to listen to next.

“Florida!!!” (feat. Florence + the Machine)

This song seems to be about fleeing. From what you might ask? Criminal charges (as the song implies) or simply a relationship that has ended and needing a fresh start. Swift has said as much, noting how Florida is often a place that criminal go to to start over and potentially evade the law (Ted Bundy?) and it's also notable that Swift's Florida Era's Tour shows directly followed the wide publication of her breakup from Alwyn.

Coincidence? I think not.

Also, Florence Welch's vocals are unbelievable as a feature on this song. Holy shit. I was in awe.

The lyrics, "so I did my best to lay to rest all of the bodies that have ever been on my body and in my mind they sink into the swamp; is that a bad thing to say in a song?" gives me a lot to process. Saying goodbye figuratively, visually, and literally to someone you've loved and has loved you is a major deal and the process outlined here in this song is so relatable. This is damn good song writing and I'm lucky to live in a time where I can relish in the rewards.

“Guilty As Sin?”

This song has to be about Matt Healy. The Blue Nile is a band he has referenced as a favorite and wouldn't you believe it? They have a song titled "Downtown Lights" (Google is a girl's best friend). That being said, I still have a lot of questions, of course.

It's hard to say how this fits into the timeline of Swift and Alwyn but it seems like flirtatious text messages have been happening between Swift and Healy for some time and she's trying to figure out whether to feel guilty about them or not. Whoever she's referencing in this song, even if it isn't Healy (although I feel that it certainly is), is the lead in her fantasies and wildest dreams (see what I did there?) and it makes this song not only a beautiful, lyrical masterpiece but also a completely puzzling mindfuck.

She seems to have "built up" a relationship with Healy without ever actually having one and that is likely part of the reason things didn't work out between them in the end. I can only make assumptions, but I've found in my own experiences its so easy to build things up in your head so much that you are underwhelmed when things actually play out in a natural, human way. While this is not me discounting Swift's feelings and thoughts in any way, as I have no way to know what validation she was or was not receiving in combination with these fantasies that she had, I think its a very important lesson for all of us to bear witness to.

Things are often better in our dreams.

The lyrics, "what if the way you hold me is actually what's holy? If long-suffering propriety is what they want from me they don't know how you've haunted me so stunningly ; I choose you and me religiously," has so much to say in regards to this aforementioned plight. It's so much harder to put a thought to rest the longer its been there, and if Swift has had these thoughts and dreams for close to ten years (hypothetically speaking) its no wonder she gave in after the failure of her romance with Alwyn.

You don't know what you don't know. I've been there.

“Who’s Afraid of Little Old Me?”

This seems to be the "Reputation" era song that I think we all were hoping would find its way into Swift's new discography. There's anger. There's confusion. There's confrontation.

And it's fucking remarkable.

A quick favorite lyric is "you don't get to tell me about sad." My god. Nobody gets that right. We all get sad, naturally. But Swift has managed to make a career on putting her gut-wrenching, raw, very personal feelings into songs and lyrics that we all have at our fingertips and I couldn't agree more with this sentiment. We don't really know what that means. The vulnerability is insane and something I can't even begin to fathom.

I also love how she's embraced the villain that she's been painted as, but not necessarily in a way that justifies it. Seeing as the tabloids are only ever partially true, this I understand. You shouldn't have to own up to things you haven't done but celebrities never really get that choice.

I also particularly like the lyric, "if you wanted me dead you should've just said, nothing makes me feel more alive." And then Swift goes into the chorus and I love who she actually changes the inflection in her voice when she says "...as I scream: Who's afraid of little old me?"

This is gold. And then the bridge of the song, as they all have seemed to do so far, absolutely wrecks me.

She's so relatable. She's insecure and conflicted and lost and there's hardly a more personable series of emotions to connect with.

She sings, "put narcotics in all of my songs and hat's why you're still singing along" and I nearly squealing in admiration. She's good. She's that good. And she proves it time and time again.

There's a reason the world has latched on to Taylor Swift. And while the world might be divided on that fact, I think staying in the Swiftie camp is the place to be.

“I Can Fix Him (No Really I Can)”

This has to be about Matt Healy, right? I thought there would be more context and of course I figured before I heard this song that it would be about Alwyn but almost immediately, the song portrays a man with quite a bit of baggage and a seemingly irritable spirit and that just doesn't seem to fit with the secluded and private Alwyn persona that we have seen so far.

So yes, I think it has to be about Healy. That being said, woof. There's a lot to unpack here.

First there's the distinct imagery of the Old West and all that comes with it. Pistols, Texas, the whole shebang. The song seems almost seducing, portraying how Swift can handle the muse for the song despite all the warning signs. The warning signs seem to be part of what guides her to him, and there's something really honest about that. Some individuals have a particular tendency to fix the broken ones and that seems to be exactly what Swift is alluding to with her "skillset."

The closing of the song is equally telling though: "I can fix him, no really I can (No really I can); Woah, maybe I can't."

You can't, Taylor. Nobody can.

“loml”

This is one of my personally most anticipated songs on this album.

And it did not fucking disappoint.

I don't really know what to say except that this song wrecked me in more ways than one. "I've felt a flow like this never before and never since," ruined me. I've been there. More than once. More than I care to admit, actually.

It's so damn relatable and real and I just don't know what to do with that apparent of a heartbreak, even though I know I've lived through it myself.

But I, despite connecting with this particular lyric, had not been told by these un-named individuals that I was the "love of their life" like Taylor Swift. And that has to bring these feelings I can only partially relate to to an entirely new universe of thought and comprehension.

And then through religious imagery and poetic sentences, Swift drops another gut-wrenching lyric: "I've felt a hole like this never before and ever since."

Oh my god.

This song is gonna do it for me. It's a god damn masterpiece.

I know I've said that before--and I promise I meant it then--but I mean it now more than ever. This song gave me the feels like I haven't had in a very long time.

It continues to wreck me, "I wish I could unrecall how we almost had it all." This reminds me of something that I once wrote personally, how maybe a lost love wasn't the right one because they were just the one before I met the real love of my own lift. Similarly, Swift singing, "something counterfeit is dead" exemplifies these feelings of a relationship being so close to the real deal that its hard to untangle yourself from the hope and promise of something so strong.

The song closes in an equally tragic statement of lyrics: "you're the loss of my life," referencing that Alwyn is the greatest love she's ever known, and to surmount that loss is not something anyone has the authority to tell her how to do.

“I Can Do It With a Broken Heart”

This song is so heartbreaking, knowing that Swift was struggling so deeply in front of of the entire fucking world.

The news broke of her breakup with Alwyn in April 2023 and she had just began her American Era's Tour in the month before. I recognize that she's a performer and its a big part of that role to be able to put on a show regardless of whatever is going on in your own personal life but damn, this song makes me rethink my entire Eras Tour experience. I went to the June 23rd show in Minneapolis with one of my best friend's Rachel and I had the time of my life despite being in nosebleed seats with viewing of only part of the stage and I still feel guilty for enjoying the experience knowing what our queen Taylor was going through.

She's incredible.

The song takes on a bit of a happier tone as it continues but you can tell its satirical at best. She's trying to make some fun at the fact that she was "miserable" in front of millions of people and I have to imagine that to be the only relevant response to such a situation. Few people, if any, have ever been in comparable shoes. She's just trying to cope with her emotions on a personal level and having the whole world locked in, analyzing every move, has to make that so much harder.

“The Smallest Man Who Ever Lived”

Okay, so I think this album so far as convinced me that its less about Alwyn and much, much more about Healy. I felt we got some true insight on Alwyn throughout the Midnights album and while I thought there would be so much more to say about a six year relationship with this album release, I believe I stand corrected.

Healy is the main muse. There, I said it.

This song is such a blow and I hope Healy has disabled all public comments because I know the Swifties are coming for him.

I wound never dream of doing such a thing to someone I don't know but with Swifts words here, I understand the blasphemy. Going back to the earlier track "Guilty as Sin?" Swift's fantasies are nothing like the reality she's living in. Healy is portrayed as a druggie who parades her in public but does nothing to satisfy her eager eyes and willing heart on his own.

Ouch.

And once again the bridge of a song off this new album fucking destroys me.

It seems that any allusions and inferences that Swift made in her fantasies about Healy were positively contradicted. He was none of the things that she had built up in her head, whether through his words or her own imagination (that remains unclear) and he gutted an already broken, fragile, and lost Swift in the process of pursuing her romantically. Of course she was reeling from her breakup with Alwyn after six years together but I'm sure this level of hurt was the last thing she expected from someone she had just started something with.

The lyrics continue with endless contradictions, seeming to add to the talk that Healy has versus the walk that he does not. There's real anger and hurt there, you can hear it in her voice, and this song again is reminiscent of the "Reputation" era that many Swifties arguably site as their coming-of-age.

This song did a lot of things for me. It made me feel a lot of feels.

Its going to be one of my favorites for sure, if for no other reason than the lyrics that punch me in the gut.

“The Alchemy”

There's a lot of sporting references in the beginning of this song, which of course prompts the immediate, burning question: is this about Travis Kelce?

There's a lot of reasons that I think it might be and many that I think it isn't. Primarily is the title of the song--"alchemy" is the process of making gold from things that are not gold, which means that the end product can never be gold. Following? Basically it's either gold or it isn't and the process of creating gold from other elements in nature and the world may have been a big thing long ago, but even so, it was never real. Fake gold was made, and that's what makes me think that this song can't be about Kelce, despite the very obvious references such as "touchdown" and "benches" and "team."

Who knows for sure (certainly not me) but as much as I want there to be a Kelce song on this album (Go Pack Go!) I just can't convince myself this is it.

But then I keep listening and I'm less and less convinced. I could get past the "shirts off" and "beer stickin' to the floor" but then I hear a lyric that stops me in my tracks: "Where's the trophy? He just comes runnin' over to me."

So maybe at the end of the day Swift is saying what seems like fake gold might be the real thing. Afterall, she's seemingly stated the reverse is true in the her past songs--maybe this time its the real deal.

I said what I said.

“Clara Bow”

I thoroughly enjoyed this song.

I think its a wonderful track to end Swift's official 11th studio album with, before she added a whole new layer of music and deciphering to go through.

For those that don't know, Clara Bow was a silent film actress who met great fame but similarly struggled with mental health and a love life with more questions than answers.

A favorite lyrics is "half moonshine, full eclipse." I can't tell really if this song is meant to be a mental pep talk to Taylor herself or something else entirely. But I think I like it for the positive energy and titular role models that are declared.

As the song draws near it's end and Swift mentions her own name, I'm confirmed in my initial surmises that this song is meant to be a mood booster for her in some way.

She doesn't owe us any answers to that but I think this is a great way to close out the initial album and I can't wait to see what the surprise double album has in store.

But I think nearly 5000 words on a new album is enough for now.